CutZ
by Artistic Shinobi
Summary: What happens when Malik ishtar becomes manager of a store and Mai is the co-manager?chaos


LTM: This is my one-shot story. I was bored as hell. This story is mostly about Malik and the job I made up for him. I based it on a show I watch so its not all mines

Disclaimer Dude: I don't own Yu-gi-oh or Cuts.

_Note: Malik's Yami isn't in this story and the yamis and hikaris are still bounded in one body._

**CUTZ**

Mai, co manager, and Anzu, employee were lounging in the spa room with Pina Coladas In hand. "Ah" they said in chorus. Just then Malik, the manager, walked in looking pretty pissed off.

"Mai! Anzu!" He started. "What are you doing in here? Your suppose to be working. This is a job not a place to relax."

Ever since Malik opened up CutZ he regretted it. He had made a bet with Kaiba that he could open up a job that's not relevant to Duel Monsters or World Domination and the worst part was Mai had to be his co-manager. Kaiba had funded the money and Malik opened up the Spa/Barber Shop/Beauty Shop. His employees were: Honda, Joey, Camille (OC), Yami/Yugi, Ryou/Bakura, Serenity, Anzu, and Duke. Mai was his co manager and Kaiba owned the place. Yugi called the salon CutZ and Malik agreed. Isis worked at the museum and visited once in a while sometimes for business only.

"I thought Anzu needed some relax time," Mai stated with cucumbers on her eyes.

"And Anzu concurred" Anzu said in a calming tone.

Just then Ryou walked in. "Well you two better concur your asses back out front because we've got customers," he said

"Ryou, Malik. Shoo we're busy" Mai said waving her hand towards the door.

Malik was stunned "That's it I'm calling an employee meeting." He walked out and started yelling. "EMPLOYEE MEETING NOW."

Yami walked over to see Serenity was talking on the phone. "..._and then he was flirting with me and I do think he's about the cutest dice-boy and the kindest boy I've ever met_…" Serenity continued her conversation.

Yami sighed and tried to act civil towards Serenity. "Serenity," She looked up. "GET OFF THE DAMN PHONE," Yami yelled. "We havin' an employ meetin'."

Malik spotted Mai and pulled her to the side. "Mai," he began, "Sir. Enity spends an awful long time on the damn phone."

"Malik, she's a receptionist." Mai argued "Receptionist answers the phones. Yes they do. Yes they do, "she said childishly.

"Well your receptionist is what's wrong with this place." He started in his own childish voice. "Yes she is. Yes she is. And you're what's wrong with this salon. In fact you're ALL what's wrong with this salon."

Joey walked over with a gangsta limp. "Yo, Mal why you actin' all Mussolini on us fo?" using his strong Brooklyn accent.

"Joey" Malik started. "Spell _Mussolini_."

"…………….."

"Exactly. Ok look were great and everything but we need to strive to do better. **With Great Power comes great Responsibility**."

Duke looked up at Malik and asked, "What does Spiderman have to do with this M?"

* * *

"Everyone gather around." Malik said patiently. No one moved. "I said MOVE DAMMIT."

Everyone scrambled towards the employee's lounge.

Malik pulled something out and shoved it in front of Mai's face. "It is time you learn your C.C.C."

When Mai got a hold of it she was pretty upset. "The CutZ Code of Conduct? Malik we never discussed this."

"Mai, We need a New CutZ Code of Conduct. Bam! There it is, discussion ended."

Camille walked over to Malik, "Ok its official. Malik you have lost your mind. But its ok baby I'm gonna help you find it."

"BAM!" Malik shoved the C.C.C. paper in her face as if it would stop her…and it did. "Section C clearly states no threats; real or implied should be tolerated. Okay? Translation, if ya'll do not take me seriously and follow these rules…somebody goin' down."

As Malik walked away there was a big '_Kick Me'_ sign on his back and everyone high fived each other while laughing.

* * *

Mai walked in smiling and laughing with a basket in her hand. "Good morning everybody. I brought us some muffins and treats"

Every employee turned around and recited "No eating outside the employees lounge. Fine: fifteen dollars."

"Fines? Come on Malik wasn't being serious about that."

Camille nodded in disagreement. "Oh yes he was another bright idea in the C.C.C. from little dictator. Or as I would like to say Donald Chump." Everyone whispered in agreement.

"Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey" Malik had just arrived. "Ain't no congregatin' up in this piece?"

"Oh ok" Apparently Ryou changed into Bakura. "Now you're telling us what to do with our sex lives?"

Malik started looking around the room. "Is that baked goods I smell outside the employees lounge?"

Mai piped up, "Yeah! I made them."

"Wow that was easy fifteen dollars, pay up."

Camille walked up to him and tossed him a muffin. "Here Malik have a muffin. It's Brand. Maybe it'll help flush that gigantic stick stuck up your as– "

"Hey, Hey, Hey. I'm just trying to enforce my managerial discipline. Something I picked up from Domino Community Collage for Social Business Skills, also known as the D.C.C.S.B.S."

"This is some BS alright" Honda mumbled.

Camille turned back to Malik. "Listen little Saddam this whole dictator thing needs to stop."

Everyone "Ooooh"

"A dictator, you're calling me a dictator? Well I'm just having a little order in here. And you know I'm allergic to nuts." Malik complained.

"Well Brand doesn't have nuts. Bet you know what that's like, don't you?" Camille said

"Oooooooh" Everyone turned back to Malik who couldn't come back with a comment.

He was about to pounce onto Camille but Mai pulled him away. "We need to talk about this in my office."

Malik turned to face her, "Excuse me but it's my office too."

"Oooo ooo ooh," it was only Yami this time. Everyone looked at him. "What we not doing that anymore?" Everyone slapped Yami upside his head.

The two walked into the office to find Serenity on the phone talking to someone on the other line.

"Get out," the Malik said to Serenity. "And that's ten dollars so you besta leave before I double it."

After Serenity left, the two were alone. Mai started the conversation. "Malik the staff isn't just employees they're our friends. You can't fine them."

"Note to Mai. The Nail Polish is for your nails not to inhale," Malik stated.

"The staff is not our enemy. They're our family. They're just having a little fun."

"Oh so putting a '_Kick Me'_ sign on my back is called fun?"

"Come on Malik it was just a joke. Come on laugh with me ahahahahahaha."

"Since you know it all why don't you tell me your brilliant ideas?"

"We can go to the Arcade during Happy Hour and think of something."

"For once Mai you've come up with a good idea. Oh invite Kaiba and my sister see if they could come tonight."

"See there's the Malik I know and love."

"Yeah whatever where's Camille?"

* * *

"GO MALIK GO MALIK GO MALIK GO MALIK!"

Kaiba walked away and Isis followed. "Where you goin'?" she asked him.

"Home."

"This is suppose to boost employee moral."

"I do things on my own."

"Seto there's no _me_ in _team_. Well there's an M and a E. But there not next to each other, and the E comes before the M. So really it's an E and a M with an A in between, not an M and an E See?"

"What the hell did you just say?"

Isis shrugged and pulled Kaiba back over to the group.

It was Joey's turn for _I never_. "Okay. I never slept with a sluty woman."

Bakura (not Ryou) stood up and drank.

Last but not least was Camille. "………I never got arrested…naked."

Slowly but surly Bakura, Marik (the Yamis), Kaiba stood up and took a shot. Everyone focused there attention on Kaiba who were both very pale in the face.

"NAKED?" the group screeched.

"I was pledging in a sorority," Kaiba lied. "Wait I've got one. I've never been late for my job."

Everyone looked at him and laughed. "That's an easy one," Mai said. "We've all been late." Everyone drank.

"Well that's a damn sh—." He was never able to finish because he passed out from being too drunk.

* * *

The next day when Malik and Camille went inside CutZ they saw Kaiba and Isis sleeping in salon chairs next to each other. Kaiba had Isis's lip-gloss/lipstick all over his face and neck. They both had BIG sunglasses to cover their eyes. Camille took a metal bowl and a brush and started beating on the bowl startling Isis and Kaiba.

"Come on Bobby, Whitney wake up," she yelled.

Duke, Yugi, Ryou and Anzu arrived a little later. They were tired as hell and were struggling to walk in. When they did they all flopped down into available chairs.

Serenity and Joey walked in pretty pissed off and they looked like they were in the hospital.

Serenity spoke first. "Explain why I woke up in the V.A. Hospital."

Duke answered her question. "We were too drunk to carry you back home."

"Few men act there age," Camille mumbled, hoping no one understood what she meant.

"So we called the ambulance," Duke finished.

"Thanks Duke." Joey said sarcastically.

Mai walked in sunglasses on her face and hair all nappy. "Morning everybody," She answered sleepily.

"Mornin'," everyone mumbled in response.

Mai walked over to Yugi who had turned into Yami. "Hey Yug. Thanks for driving me home last night."

"I didn't drive you home," Yami said.

"So who did I spoon with?"

Malik shook his head, "Now you see that's just nasty. Mai I think your shirt is on backwards."

"So," she snapped.

"That means if you can't go party and come to work early the next day there's only one thing to do…I'm gonna have to start docking everybody including you Mai." He started pointing to random people. "Dock, Dock Dockdockdockdockdock. You're ALL docked."

"Malik you're not docking anybody. In fact we're going to start running CutZ with compassion. Some understanding. Some aspirin," she walked over to the cabinet and tossed Kaiba a bottle of aspirin which he took five pills out of.

"Oh alright. Since we all family and everything, maybe CutZ doesn't need two managers anymore."

"Malik's right. Maybe we don't," Joey thought out loud.

Malik turned around to face Joey. "Oh ok its like that then right? Ok fine I'm out."

Anzu's eyes started to water. "Don't tell me you're quitting."

"Oh no. I'm not quitting," Malik assured. "I'm stepping down from management, affective immediately. From now on I'm just regular old Malik A. Ishtar."

* * *

Malik was shaving someone's afro, standing next to Anzu, when Mai arrived. Mai passed by but Anzu grabbed her arm.

"Mai, Mai." Anzu painted. "You mind if I take off a couple of hours?"

"Anzu we're pretty booked up," Mai said.

"But little Daviaco beat my highest score in Dance Dance Revolution."

Malik tried his best to look sympathetic. "Oh of course Mai would let you go. After all you can't let a twelve year old beat you. I mean what boss would stop their employee from chasing their dreams?"

"Uh……ok this is for CutZ," Mai stammered.

"Thank you so much you're the best," Anzu hugged Mai, stuck her tongue out at Malik and ran off.

Malik rolled his eyes and went back to working.

"I rule with love not fear." But Malik ignored her and Mai walked over to Joey. "So where are we going tonight Jou?"

"A new club in Domino that just opened."

"Cool you're adorable." She kissed Joey on the cheek, making Malik and Camille gag.

Malik saw Camille doing her nails with the Spa's nail polish. He walked over and thought of a comment.

"Hey Camille," Malik started.

"Hey Mal," Camille replied.

"That's a nice new color. I'm diggin' that. Did you pay for those?"

"Shut Up."

"I don't even care I'm just an employee. Nail on woman, and while you at it take a pat roll andhit them toes."

Camille took the filer and hit it on the table. "One more time little man one more time."

Mai walked over. "Malik don't be so bitter. As soon as you say sorry you can have your manager job back."

"Oh no, no, NO. I'm fine right here." Malik suggested. "Just one of the guys, speaking of one of the guys, have you seen Dice Master Duke?"

"Yeah he said his car got stolen and he'd be coming late."

Everyone started to either cough or laugh.

"Stolen? Duke don't have a car."

"Huh?"

"Duke drives a bus pass."

Just then Duke walked in "What's Up ya'll and Serenity?" he said loud enough for everyone to hear.

Mai walked over to Duke. "Duke, you told me your car got stolen."

"No I said I was a victim of Grand Theft Auto. That game is so addictive I was up until four, but I came to work anyways."

Malik walked over to a stunned and ashamed Mai. "Yo Mai I got one, I got one." He said with a bottle of Coke in his hand. "I never been punk'd by my staff," he laughed while drinking the rest of the coke.

* * *

Mai was carrying a bunch of towels and was looking for Anzu, Duke, Joey and Camille. The Spa was very crowded and a lot of people were waiting for some service. Mai spotted Malik who was trying to find a gel for Mokuba's hair.

Mai ran over to Malik, "Malik I really need your help and the only ones I can find are Honda, Yugi, Ryou and Serenity."

"Oh Mai I'm feeling a bit tired can I take the day off," he joked.

"Shut Up Malik." Just then Mai spotted the four she was looking for. "Where were you four?"

"Oh they were sleeping in the employees' lounge." Malik noted, "If I was manager I would have told you that. But alas, I'm just one of the guys. But I think I'll take a nap in one of them Jacuzzis…naked"

"THAT'S IT. We're having an Employee meeting NOW."

The four employees (not including Malik) followed Mai into the lounge to have the meeting.

Mai sighed "Guys, we're a hard working family but we're starting to slack off. I'm afraid we need to have some changes."

"Your right," Joey said. "Starting with the black toilets in the men's bathroom. You could never tell if they're clean."

"No Joey. I'm talking about firing people."

Everyone stared at her and started laughing.

"WHAT'S SO FUNNY?"

Camille tried to speak, she stood up. "I can just imagine you with your hands on your little hips, all red in the face sayin '_you're like so fired_'. It's real funny," she imitated.

Anzu put a hand on Mai's shoulder, "That's why she's our friend. Always keeping us laughing. Love you Mai."

"Yeah, Love ya Mai" Everyone agreed.

Malik opened the door to see Mai at the door.

"Can I come in?" Mai asked politely.

"Sure, sure lets discuss this in my room though," Malik replied.

When the two went upstairs Mai sat down on Malik's bed and started swinging her feet at the edge of the bed. Malik started to chuckle while Mai looked at him dumbfounded.

"I knew this day would come," Malik said in gleed as he stood up. "Even though I've got a girl, I don't know if you could handle all this."

Mai gave him a smile of her own and stood up as well. Her height overpowered his by about two inches. "Poor Malik you have to be this tall to ride this ride."

"You never said that to Joey."

"You never deny Camille."

"…….look if you came here to insult me I have better things to do."

"Wait Malik. I need your help."

"Why? You're the one who said the staff is family."

"Malik they're out of control. I can't get them to listen. I even threatened to fire them."

"What they do?"

"……….They laughed." Malik started to laugh too. "MALIK!"

"Sorry its just a funny sight. I could see you with your little hands on your hips, all red in the face saying '_you're like so fired_.' Sorry it's hilarious."

"Malik you really do spend to much time with Camille and it's NOT funny. So can you please help me?"

Malik sighed. "Ok, this is what we'll do……………."

* * *

The next day Mai was dressed in a formal uniform speaking with Isis and Kaiba (they were part of the plan) about the salon. Camille came in with everyone else and looked suspiciously at the three. Joey, Duke, Camille, Ryou, Anzu, Serenity and Honda walked over.

"Mai, what's going on?" Anzu asked.

Mai spun around to face the confused staff. "Oh well after the meeting yesterday I came to some conclusions, this doesn't include you though Ryou. In case you didn't here 'You're like so FIRED!" She stomped off to her office leaving the staff stunned as hell.

Camille shook her head, "That wasn't nearly as funny as I thought it would be."

Just then Malik and Yugi passed by but were grabbed by Joey and Honda. "Yo Malik you've gotta help us man," Honda begged.

"Yeah," Duke agreed. "Mai, that crazy girl fired us."

Malik stuck a lollipop in his mouth "Soooooooo?" he replied.

"So help us. That's _so_," Camille snapped.

"Fine I'll see what I can do. But stay out here this might get ugly."

The group nodded but when Malik and Yugi disappeared into the office everyone crowed by the door.

Knowing the staff was listening, the three started their skit.

"Mai," Yugi started. 'I heard you fired part of the staff."

"I know it was wrong," Mai sighed. "But you were right Malik. Once I was nice they took advantage."

_Meanwhile outside the room the bunch were horrified at what they heard._

Malik started off again. "But how can you blame them. Joey and Camille grew up in abusive homes."

_Joey and Camille hugged and shedded a few tears. _

"And Duke," Yugi said. "He was an ignorant boy who believed Pegasus was the answers to his questions. And Honda, he thought 50 Cent was a half dollar."

_Duke and Honda were about to go and strangle Yugi if it wasn't for the mob holding them back._

Malik chuckled. "And poor Anzu. She thinks Dance Dance Revolution came from the Ghetto. Serenity needs to buy a clue and a new hero other than Joey, cause he isn't that bright"

_No one felt sorry for Anzu, who was shaking her head, but the group laughed at her in silence. Joey on the other hand had gotten into a fit and was ready to kill Malik._

"And Camille." Yugi started.

_"Does he really want to insult her?" Duke asked. "That's a big ass risk."_

"Her ass looks pregnant and check her bra 'cause I think she stole it." Yugi finished.

_Serenity turned around to Duke. "Are they helping us or hurting us?"_

"_Knowin' Yugi and Malik, day helpin' us…in a hurtful way," Joey convinced._

_Camille was pissed as hell. "Yeah well Yugi insulted ME and the little man is going down. She ran into the office and everyone followed._

Camille busted into the room with a blow-dryer in hand. "Are you callin' me a theft?" She asked a very frightened Yugi. "Me and you right now Hobbit."

Mai, Malik and Yugi looked at each other and laughed. "GOTCHA. You've been

punk'd," they chorused.

"See now that's just wrong," Camille complained.

"So do we still get our jobs back?" Anzu asked.

"Of course you've got your jobs back Anzu," Mai reassured.

_**The End**_

LTM: r/r.

Malik: Why don't I take over peoples minds in this story?

LTM: Because you're on your meds that's why


End file.
